Somebody Else's Bar
by The Infamous Jack
Summary: Muchneeded cash has convinced the Fifth to send 'Konoha's finest' to manage a local public house. Hidden talents emerge as each genin seeks to make as much cash as they can. Not a drunkfic, no real pairings. KibaTen, perhaps.


Tip Your Waitress

Sunakku was not enjoying the beautiful blue day that had descended upon the Country of Fire amid the rain-soaked weeks of late June. He was tucked away in an obscure corner of Konohagakure, waiting in line to see the Fifth Hokage. He couldn't even see the sun in the brown, windowless hallway where he twitched in his chair, flanked on both sides by feudal lords and mighty landowners that had come to seek the power of the greatest shinobi nation in existence. He was nervous, but in the back of his mind he held a trump card. He owned businesses all over the country, and had a lot more money than any of them.

"NEXT!" cried a disgruntled voice from the Hokage's office. It was Iruka, relieved of his teaching duties for the season and stuck indoors helping the Hokage when Shizune just didn't feel like dealing with her crap anymore. Iruka wasn't miffed at this, he was a rather accepting man, but ever since he had started working in Hokage tower he had developed a bit of a follower. Much to his chagrin, Anko had grown very fond of him and had taken to trailing him like a hound and making comments that were either profoundly embarrassing or horrifyingly inappropriate in front of the Hokage. Tsunade, of course, found the situation hysterical and planned on scheduling the two of them together every chance she got.

Sunakku, having waited his turn patiently, stood and walked past the resentful shinobi that lined the hall to enter the Hokage's office. He sighed with relief as Iruka closed the door, but tensed up again when he saw the faces that were to greet him. Tsunade was clearly in one of her least favorite places doing one of her least favorite tasks, and the same could be said for Mibu and Kotetsu, who sat on either side of her behind her enormous oak desk. Even the normally-cheerful Iruka sported a distinct frown as he took his assigned station, directly next to Anko. She was the only one in the room who was smiling.

"Well, what is it?" Tsunade blurted out, far too worn out from a day of clients to bother with being curt.

"I, um, I'm Sunakku, and I own Aru Koru. It's, uh, it's a bar, um, on the edge of town, uh, and I'll be, uh…"

"Dude, breathe," Kotetsu interrupted, finding that taking notes on the mission was incredibly difficult when he had to wade through um's and uh's the entire way.

Sunakku took a deep breath and started again. "I'm Sunakku, and my staff and I will be going on a trip to the Country of Wind to get some rare whiskey I've recently purchased by proxy. I'll be needing some people to run my bar for me during the two weeks I'm gone."

"Nope, sorry," Tsunade groaned, inking her red stamp.

"What? Why?"

"The only shinobi we'd allow to tackle this D-rank mission would be genin. We can't devote shinobi to low-paying missions like that, especially not for two whole weeks, during which time they could perform any number of other missions that would pay more. Also, we don't have any genin that are old enough to drink."

"Well, hold on! I'm willing to pay you a substantial amount of money if you'll overlook the age thing."

"How much?"

Sunakku stole a pen from the Hokage's desk and scribbled a rather long number across the top of his application. Tsunade would have spit out her drink if she had been drinking something, and even pondered sending Iruka to fetch her a cup of coffee just so she could spit it out. Most A-rank missions don't bring in this kind of loot.

"How on earth can you afford this much?" Tsunade asked, not taking her eyes off the beautiful number sprawled temptingly across her paper.

"This whiskey is the real deal, and I'll be set for life once I can get it into the market. The payment will only be ten percent in advance, but I can personally guarantee the price." Sunakku smiled satisfyingly. If he had known the Hokage was so easily impressed, he would have asked for a nice week of vacation on top of it all.

Tsunade mulled over the amount, which seemed exorbitant. The question of morality was no longer an issue, but she was suspicious that the promised price would be delivered.

"Okay, we'll give you a staff, but we'll hold onto your establishment until we receive full compensation. We'll be supplying you with the minimum number of employees to legally operate the establishment, and, obviously, you'll keep your own profits. Also, the genin will get to keep any tips they earn to help with their wages. Understood?" Tsunade set down her red stamp, which thirsted for blood but would have to be satisfied later.

"Understood," Sunakku said, just happy to get out of the office intact. He scuttled out the door and left the building, hopping into the driver's seat of his horse-drawn cart and toting his staff out of the village that very minute.

"You know, odds are we'll never see that guy again," Kotetsu pointed out to the Hokage, holding the green-stamped mission statement before him.

"Then we've just bought ourselves a dandy pub, haven't we?"

"Aye."

"LINE UP!"

Moito Gai's enthusiastic voice rang through the evening air, calling the wide-eyed genin to attention. Behind him stood Kakashi, reading his little book; Asuma, working down a pack of Marlboros; and Kurenai, looking rather irritated, as she tended to do.

"Aaahhhhh," sighed Uzumaki Naruto, putting his hands contentedly behind his head. "I could get used to missions that start at four o'clock at night."

"I hear you," Kiba concurred, stretching his arms into the air as though he had slept in until a mere fifteen minutes earlier. In truth, he had been awake for an impressive forty minutes, having been awake at five in the morning every day for the past month. Damn, he was sick of sunrises.

"Listen up!" Gai cheered, gaining the students' reluctant attention. "This is the beginning of a two-week joint mission for all twelve of you! This is a D-rank mission…"

A loud groan cut off the exuberant jounin, but he was not deterred.

"…but you will be receiving double pay for it, perhaps more!"

A sudden spark of interest washed over the genin, who quickly shut their pie holes and paid attention.

"Aru Koru, a local pub, has asked for some shinobi to staff her while the normal work force is abroad! You will be taking stations inside the bar, receiving doubled pay for your services, and you can keep what tips you earn!"

Excited whispered shot through the children, and Kurenai felt the need to spoil their dreams there and then. She was an unusually sadistic woman, that Kurenai, and didn't take too well to 'dreams' or 'aspirations' unless they were never going to happen. Happily, Hinata had not found this out.

"Don't get too excited, now," the jounin said, pushing Gai aside. "There will be no consumption of alcohol, no unnecessary fighting, and no flirting with patrons." This last clause put all eyes on Ino.

"What?" she asked, knowing full well what they were implying but daring anyone to say anything.

"Ahem," Kakashi interjected before any hairs could be split. "We're not going to tell you what jobs to do. You'll have to decide that among yourselves."

"Hold on," Shikamaru said, holding his forehead. "You're not assigning jobs, you're not helping out, and you won't be needed to fight off any shinobi or powerful enemies. Yet you, as jounin sensei, will be paid, presumably."

"Of course."

"…Well, I guess I'm failing to see how you're earning your pay this time around."

Kakashi walked up to the lone chuunin and crouched to be at eye level with him. He narrowed his eye menacingly and spoke in a low voice. "Yeah, I guess you are."

Shikamaru gulped and nodded with a frightened smile on his face. "Heh…silly me. I get it now."

"Good."

"O…kay, kids!" Gai shouted, hoping to end the awkward silence that followed. "The Aru Koru is just two blocks down. Here are the keys, Shikamaru. The place opens at five, closes at one. You'll be expected to clean it up and leave by two. Hours are the same every day."

"Wait, you're giving us these instructions as though you're not even going to be here…" Shikamaru trailed off fearfully under Kakashi's renewed stare. "…so, wherever you'll be, have a good time!"

"We will," Kakashi reassured unreassuringly.

"Wow, this place is big!" Naruto gawked as the eleven genin followed Shikamaru into the facility. His gaze quickly fell to all the colorful bottles and glasses behind the bar itself, and he was quickly enthralled. "I CALL BARKEEPER!" he shouted, running to the polished oak counter and leaping over it enthusiastically.

"Fine, but don't break anything, you moron," Sasuke relinquished. He really did want to be the bartender, pretty badly too, but he'd look less cool if he fought with Naruto for something so trivial. He decided to let it go and throw an occasional insult over to Naruto. The fox-boy scarcely noticed, having already located the regulars' running tabs and occupied himself memorizing the contents.

"Okay, anybody else want a specific job?" Shikamaru asked, just so nobody would complain that they didn't get the job they wanted later on.

"I just want to go to the bathroom," Hinata admitted, pushing her way past the crowd. She ran off to the only door that could have led to a back room, flipping a light switch in the process. It revealed the back area, a wooden floor with countless layers of polish.

"Hey, a dance floor!" Tenten squealed, trotting back to the area and looking over what facilities there were. "Hey, we've got karaoke! We could sing for tips!"

"Well, you know who can sing really well is…" Ino was suddenly cut off by a pudgy hand over her mouth. Chouji put a finger over his mouth to tell her to keep quiet, then pulled her aside.

"Don't say anything, Ino," he implored.

"What? Why not? You're great!"

"I really want to make a good entrance, you know, to impress them." Chouji put his arms behind his back and looked at his feet, clearly embarrassed. Ino smiled comfortingly.

"Yeah, I guess that's okay, but let them know you'll be going for tips or they'll give you some other job."

"Yeah, I know."

The two rejoined the group, which had already decided that Sakura and Lee would make the best serving staff for the tables. Lee was fast enough to cater individual drinks to any number of customers, and Sakura was decidedly the best-looking kunoichi. And, as everybody knows, the hotter the waitress, the fatter her purse at the end of the night.

"HEY!" Ino whined in protest. "What about me? Aren't I beautiful?"

Shikamaru cleared his throat. He'd have to handle this time-bomb delicately. "Well, Ino, though you may be more attractive than Sakura, we've decided to put you in a position that required strength as a shinobi, which Sakura could not provide."

"HEY!" Sakura whined in protest. The men, who understood Shikamaru's position, shot her a "shut up" look, and she quickly did.

"Oh, I see! Well, it's nice of you to recognize my _obvious_ talents, Shika-kun. What's my job?" Ino couldn't resist flattery.

"You'll be working with me," Shikamaru began.

"Oh, you little lecher! Keeping me all to yourself, how shameful!" Ino teased, kidding herself that Shikamaru found her attractive. "So, what's my job?"

The genin took a step back from Ino. Shikamaru bit his lip.

"Bouncer."

Hinata heard the angered rants of Yamanaka Ino as she washed her hands in the restroom of the Aru Koru. As she turned to pull free a paper towel, her foot struck a large plastic box, overflowing with bits of metal, plastic and wood. She dried her hands and stooped to investigate the find, which just happened to be the maintenance kit. She picked it up, figuring that it was an important find, and was about to go tell the others, when she remembered that the faucet had been a little shaky.

Looking the fixture over, the kunoichi found two small metal bumps on either side of the faucet with strange plus-shaped slots in them. Hinata thought hard, and remembered such things being worked on by their in-house maintenance man. When one was 'loose', as he had called it, he took a long metal rod and twisted it, and that made it tight again. Hinata rummaged through the tools for a minute until she found a metal rod that looked like the one the man had used, and she twisted the metal bump. Like magic, the faucet righted itself and didn't shake again. Hinata began to wonder what else she could do with this box of tricks…

Once Ino had been flattered into accepting the position of bouncer, the occupations were divvied among the genin rather efficiently. Chouji and Tenten were going to exploit the dance floor for tips, Naruto would mix drinks, Sakura and Lee would be serving tables, and, of course, Shikamaru and Ino would bounce. Sasuke, Shino, and Neji spoke in secret and didn't specify what they would be doing in particular, but they assured that they would be making money and keeping up patronage just like everybody else. Hinata wasn't present, so it was assumed that she would work tips just like the others, and Kiba had yet to discover what, exactly, he would be doing. Everybody was relatively certain that he'd wind up starting a fight for their amusement or be a general nuisance. Nobody ever expected much from Kiba.

Five o'clock came quickly, and the sound of the first few customers crawling in the door was rather frightening. It was mostly workers from the nearby forge, the town's leading producer of shuriken, kunai, and Monopoly pieces. Sakura's first table was the largest, seating at least seven people at any given time.

"Good evening! I'm Sakura, and I'll be your waitress tonight. Can I start you gentlemen off with some drinks?" she stated politely, readying her pad and pencil.

"Aye, lass, and you'll likely finish us off with 'em as well!" the eldest cracked, earning some hearty laugher from his comrades. Sakura laughed, just happy they hadn't made a pass at her.

"Well, what'll you have?" Sakura almost corrected her sudden lack of formality, but nobody seemed to catch it.

"Whiskey!" they all said at once as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Okay! I'll have it out in a sec!"

Sakura walked quickly up to the bar and set down her tray. "Naruto!" she whispered urgently. Her teammate quickly responded to the summons. It was clear that she had recently discovered that she didn't know how to serve any of the house drinks.

"What do they want?" Naruto asked calmly.

"Whiskey, all of them! Does whiskey come in big glasses or little ones? Or does it have ice? Or lime?"

"Calm down! Whiskey is kept cold beforehand, so there's no need for ice if they didn't ask for it. Now, those guys look like they'll drink all night, so when they say they want whiskey that means they want glasses and a bottle, not individuals. And, Sakura-chan?"

"Yes, Naruto?"

"Making the drinks is _my_ job. You don't have to know anything."

"Hey, Naruto, how do you know all this about alcohol?"

"When you train for a month with Ero-sennin, you learn as much about booze as you do about chakra."

Sasuke sat discreetly beside his first victim, a loudmouth at the bar who was hustling cash from the customers with simple bar tricks. After the losing end of one of his bar bets left him, the man sought a new target. Conveniently, he heard two words spoken by the child beside him.

"Barkeep, water."

The man turned around slowly to steal a glance at the young shinobi's wallet, which was brimming with bills. To him, this was an oil well waiting to be pumped.

"Excuse me, son, but why don't I cover this drink?" he said smoothly.

"Water's free," Naruto pointed out, sliding the drink to Sasuke.

"Oh, my mistake. Name's Iyashii Genki, I'm a regular."

"I'm…Uzumaki Sasuke," the Uchiha lied. Naruto shot his rival a sharp look, but said nothing. Sasuke probably had some stupid plan that he'd blame him for ruining.

"Well, Sasuke-kun, it's nice to meet you. Say, are you a bettin' man?"

"I like to think so," Sasuke said smoothly, shooting a knowing glance at Naruto.

"Great! How about a friendly game, then? Barkeep, I need a cup of maraschino cherries and a whiskey snifter. Do you know what those are, young fella?"

Naruto glared at the man. "A cup of maraschinos will cost you 200 yen, and there's no such thing as a "whiskey snifter". It's a brandy snifter. Here you go." He set down the objects and held out his hand for the cash, which he then promptly shoved in his pocket. Maraschinos were free. The jerk just needed to pay for that little bit of condescension.

"Okay, then, Sasuke-kun, here's the bet. I'll bet you that, if we place that whi…_brandy_ snifter at the other end of the bar, I can throw more maraschinos into it than you can."

Naruto held back the laughter. This guy had no idea what he was up against. _Sasuke, you're not too stupid after all._

Sasuke smirked. "Okay. How much do you want to bet?"

"Well, there's about thirty cherries in this cup, we'll each throw fifteen times. Let's say…1,000 yen per cherry?"

"Make it 2,500, and you go first," Sasuke said confidently, sliding the cup over to Genki. The older man gave him an odd look, but quickly smiled.

"Alright, kid, don't hate me if you lose." Genki turned to face the opposite end of the bar, lining up his shot, while Sasuke stood behind him. The Uchiha activated his sharingan as the man began to throw the tiny, sugary projectiles, and studied his movement. It was sub-par, but he only missed three cherries. "Ha! Beat that, Shorty!"

Sasuke proceeded to do just that. Months of tossing cherries in a bar would never compare to life-long shinobi training. Not a single cherry went to waste. Once the feat had been finished, and the regulars at the bar got in a good laugh at ol' Genki's expense, Sasuke turned to his new best friend. "Seventy five hundred, please."

"Now…now wait a second, you've got to give me a chance to get even."

"Okay, okay Genki, I'll make you a new bet. Naruto, gimme a martini glass, an old champagne cork, and a whole mess of olives."

After the night had worn on a bit, two or three patrons were suddenly disturbed as the table they had been sitting at took a sharp tilt away from them, nearly allowing their drinks to be dashed to bits on the floor. The one with the best balance after the two or five rounds they had shared looked beneath it to discover a young girl, nails in her mouth and an oversized tool belt around her waist, filing down one of the legs.

"Hey, you! What're you doin' here?"

"Fixing," Hinata replied, not entirely sure of the technical term for 'making a table not so wobbly'.

"Well, can't you wait 'till we leave?"

"Nope. Gotta fix."

"But adjusting a table like that will take a long time, getting it just right and all."

Just as he finished his sentence, Hinata dropped the table back into its original position and left the men in peace. The patron that had spoken was flabbergasted, and spent several minutes shaking the table to make certain that she had, indeed, leveled it.

"Now, where was _she_ when Tsuma and I were looking to adopt?"

"Well, hello!" Ino piped cheerfully, batting her eyes as another young customer walked through the door. The man, at least ten years older than her, only shot her an odd look before proceeding to his seat.

"You've got to stop that," Shikamaru said plainly from his leaning spot on the other side of the door.

"Stop what?" Ino queried, genuinely confused.

"Flirting with the customers as they come in."

"Oh, please. Don't let Kurenai get to you. I am _so_ not…HI THERE! Welcome to Aru Koru!" Another young man walked briskly past the unusual little girl to find a spot at the bar.

"You see?"

"No, I most certainly don't."

"Well, don't get too friendly. As soon as one of these guys gets drunk, we're going to have to throw him out. You can't toss a someone on their ass and ask them out at the same time."

"You speak as though you have experience in this area, Shika-kun," Ino joked, hoping to get a rise out of her teammate.

"Well, let me ask you this: have I ever fought anybody who wasn't a girl?"

"Well…no, I can't really think of a time when…"

"And have you ever seen me on a date?"

"Definitely not."

"Well, there you go, then."

At about eleven o'clock, the lights went dim and a single spotlight shone on the karaoke stage, where stood a single microphone. Before the patrons could ask what was going on, a piano began playing from within the sound system, and the curtains to backstage parted. From behind them stepped a rather big-boned young man, dressed extravagantly with tight black pants and a shiny red shirt. Ino recognized what was going on immediately, and gave a loud, supporting whistle from her station by the door. Chouji smiled and walked up to the microphone just as the first verse began.

"_It's nine o'clock on a Saturday. The regular crowd shuffles in. There's an old man sitting next to me, makin' love to his tonic and gin._"

The bar was silent as Chouji performed the most beautiful rendition of "Piano Man" the occupants had ever heard, pouring his soul into every word and practically screaming the last verse. Midway through the song, Naruto had the foresight to put a large jar at the corner of the bar with the words "Tips for Singer" written on the side.

Chouji finished his song in a heart-wrenching finale, falling to his knees and singing to the sky. As soon as the music ended the entire building went into an uproar, with cheers and applause filling the eerie silence that had befallen once the song ended. Chouji's tip jar filled quickly. The portly performer took a bow and walked briskly off stage, preparing for his next show-stopping number. It was a Ricky Martain piece, and he still needed work on his choreography.

Lee zipped like a mouse between the tables, expertly carrying his large silver tray to the back of the bar where a lone green table stood beneath a hanging lamp. Lee served the drinks, four scotch and one orange juice, to the poker players that had taken root in the poorly-lit area, grabbed his tips and left. None of them seemed in a good mood, even the young one that was winning.

"What's with this kid?" one of the older players asked in desperation, being nearly devoid of money.

"Is there a problem?" Shino replied, peering over his enormous wall of chips and cash.

"Yeah, there's a problem! Every hand, you raise me! And every hand, I can't tell if you're bluffing, because your face is about as stiff as my drink, and every hand, you take every dime I have, even if it looks like I have a winning hand!"

"…Isn't that how you play poker?"

"Well…yeah…but I don't have to be happy about it! FOLD!" The old man threw in his cards, and Shino raked in his winnings. His stony face never changed, but inside, he was having a blast. He sipped his orange juice slowly as he was dealt his next hand. He picked it up and began studying it, expressionless.

The old man, tired of losing by normal means, decided to employ a little strategy this hand. He noticed that, even in the dim light, Shino always wore his sunglasses. This was his advantage, if properly utilized. All he had to do was get the boy to look down just a little, and he could see his hand…

"Say, Shino-kun, there's a spider on the table right in front of you. Could you kill it?"

"No."

"…Why not?"

"I don't kill bugs."

"Scared?"

"No, associated."

"Uh…okay. Oh, by the way, the zipper on your coat has fallen a bit," the man said, not at all lying.

"Oh, thank you." The zipper, as though moved by tiny, unseen hands, rose by itself to its proper place. The old man decided that was bizarre enough and closed his mouth, content with just going back to losing the normal way.

Four small insects flew, discreetly, around the table to their Aburame master, landing in perfect sync on the back of his neck.

"The old dude's got a pair of tens, Boss, king high."

"The lady's got two pair, fours and deuces. Eight high."

"The kid's got three nines, nine high."

"The guy with one eye's got nothing, but he's got ace high and will probably bluff."

Shino chuckled, a motion completely obscured by his overcoat. Let Kiba tell him that dogs are better than bugs _now_.

Midnight approached, and Naruto couldn't help but notice that his old examiner, Anko, was sitting alone at the far end of the bar, looking somewhat melancholy. He refreshed her drink and decided that business would allow him to spare a minute and lend the girl a kind ear.

"What's wrong, Anko-san?"

Anko looked up, her eyes only bothering to open halfway, and offered a half-meant smile. "Kid, you just don't know. You don't know what it's like to be head-over-heels for somebody who wants nothing to do with you."

"Are you kidding me? Do you see that gorgeous little lady serving drinks?" Naruto pointed at Sakura, who was busy chatting up some customers. Anko's eyes widened, and she took a quick once-over of the young barkeeper.

"Yeah, but this is different. I actually have a shot with this guy. At least, I thought I did."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean!"

"Oh, get real, kid. That girl could get any guy her age."

"…You obviously haven't been paying attention to our class very well."

"Well, I thought I'd get along great with this guy, but he seems to just push me away whenever I'm near him. I think he might not like me." Anko smiled wishfully as she thought of her dear Iruka. "I don't understand. Am I not the most beautiful jounin in the village? Does he just hate me?"

Naruto, for his own safety, held back a giggle. "Well," he lied, "I'm just sure you're mistaken. I'm sure that this guy, whoever he is, would be more than happy to go out with you, but is just too dense to pick up on subtle hints. You need to be more assertive, Anko-san. Find him, and don't let him out of your sight until he asks you out."

Anko thought for a moment, and decided that she liked what she heard. "You know what? You're right! He probably just assumes that I'm out of his league! I just need to make him understand that I'm interested in him. Thanks, kid! How much do I owe you?"

"Twelve thousand yen."

"WHAT!"

"You've been here for a few hours now, and I lost count of your drinks around twelve thousand."

"Fine, fine. It took you that long to realize that I needed some advice?"

"No, it took me that long to realize that you weren't earning me any money if I didn't know how much you owed, and that I should get rid of you."

"Whatever. Here, I have to go find him."

Naruto took the money and smiled. "Good luck, Anko-san!" _And good luck to the poor bastard that's got you on his tail._

Tenten had little to do. She had planned on some simple songs, ones she knew and could perform relatively well, but Chouji had shown her up with that unbelievable rendition of "Livin' La Vita Loca". She found herself manning the stereo system, making sure that some nice music was being played between Chouji's performances.

Kiba, too, found himself rather destitute, blankly wandering about and trying not to get in the way. By midnight he had exhausted every bit of entertainment he could find and sat, rather despondent, on the front of the stage. He grabbed the foot-thick catalog of songs available on the system and began flipping through them, if only for something to read.

Suddenly, Kiba gasped and sat up straight. He had just hit a new category of the song list, in the 'dance' section. Years of training from his own sister came rushing back to him. Memories of parties and weddings no longer seemed embarrassments, but rather mere rehearsal. He knew what he could do to help, but he couldn't do it alone. He began scanning the pub for a suitable counterpart among the genin.

_Sakura, maybe?_ Kiba spotted the pink-haired genin cheering on Sasuke as he robbed Genki blind at the bar. _Nah, she wouldn't be into it. What about Ino?_ Ino was busy at the door, making eyes at some of the younger patrons. _I think she'd be a little **too** into it. Where's Hinata?_ Kiba spotted his teammate tightening bolts on the base of the derelict riding bull behind the dance floor. _No, too fragile. How about…what's her name, from Neji's team? Where's she at?_ Kiba whirled around and saw Tenten, stagnant and clearly bored, on the steps. She wasn't busy, and she looked as though she wouldn't break quite as easily as Hinata.

"Hey, are you doing anything?" he asked, hoping to get around the fact that he didn't know her name.

"Uh, no…" Tenten said, surprised that anybody had bothered to talk to her. She always had this really weird feeling that she was rather insignificant, but never understood why.

"Can you dance?"

"Well, yeah, but…"

"Great! C'mon, we're putting on a show." Kiba grabbed her hand and dragged the girl, confused and a little disoriented, backstage, to the costume area Chouji had been making ample use of.

Minutes later, the lights dimmed once again, and the entire bar turned to watch another great show by that fat kid. When the spotlight came on, however, it wasn't lighting up Chouji's thick figure on the stage. It wrapped itself around Inuzuka Kiba, in flaring black pants and a puffy white shirt, standing alone in the middle of the dance floor. In a moment, some sultry music began, and he was joined by Tenten in a long black and white dress.

The crowd stared in awe as the pair danced to some speedy, soulful tango that nobody knew the name of but everyone seemed to enjoy. Kiba spun and tossed Tenten like a Caesar salad, both of them working up a substantial sweat but enjoying themselves to no end. By the time the song had finished a new jar, "_Tips for Dancers_", had already been filled and replaced, and both of the performers looked ready to fall over. The crowd could barely be quieted as the pair took a bow and retreated backstage, but soon hushed as Chouji stepped out for his next number and Naruto replaced his tip jar.

As closing time approached and the crowd began to thin, the building was shaken as Iruka burst through the door and leapt behind the bar. Naruto, vexed, crossed his arms and looked angrily at his old teacher.

"Iruka-sensei, you can't just dart in and hop over my bar! That's bad policy!"

"Naruto, please, just let me stay here for a minute. I'm hiding from someone, and if they find me…"

"IRUUUUKA- SAN!" a cheerful, familiar voice sounded from outside. Naruto suddenly felt a cold rush of fear that he had unwittingly sent the most frightening woman in the village, Mitarashi Anko, after his friend Iruka with zeal enough to do his fatherly figure some real harm.

"Be quiet, Iruka-sensei," he whispered. "I'll get rid of her."

"Iruka-san?" Anko said, pushing her half-drunk head through the front door. Not seeing the object of her affections within, Anko stumbled over to the bar and sat down in front of Naruto, pouting.

"I can't find him, Naruto-kun. I can't find the man I love."

Iruka almost choked upon hearing the "L" word, but kept his mouth shut. If he made a sound, Anko would find him, and death wouldn't be far off.

"Well, what's his name?" Naruto asked, helpfully.

"Iruka. He's your old teacher."

"Oh, him? He's gay. OW!" Naruto snapped, feeling Iruka stick a foot out from under the bar far enough to kick his former student in the shin. "I mean, uh, he's taken."

"Taken?"

"Yeah. Iruka-sensei's got a great girlfriend. They're inseparable. She's a great girl, you should meet her."

"Really?" Anko asked, sounding crushed. Naruto bit his lip, trying desperately to not feel sorry for the poor woman but failing miserably. After several moment of mental deliberation, the young boy wrote a message on a nearby napkin and slid it over to the jounin.

_Iruka-sensei doesn't really have a girlfriend. He came in here earlier and said he was playing hide-and-seek, and that if anybody asked for him that I was supposed to…_

Naruto finished the message on a second napkin and handed it over once Anko had finished reading.

_…lie to keep them from finding him. He's hiding in the night club across the street._

Anko's face lit up like a Christmas tree. The jounin giggled and left the bar in a flurry, dashing across the dusty road toward the throbbing music of the singles club. Iruka stepped out from the bar, smiling and relieved.

"Thanks, Naruto. Say, could you pour me a drink? I need it after a chase like that."

"Actually, Iruka-sensei, we're closing before too long. The night club across the street has drinks until four, though. Why don't you go over there?"

Iruka smiled at his student's thoughtfulness. "I'll do that, Naruto. Take care."

"You too," Naruto said, waving to his sensei with one hand and throwing out the incriminating napkins with the other. He couldn't tell whether he'd done a good deed or not that night, but it was out of his hands now. Besides, he had done exactly what everybody had told him to do.

"LAST CALL!" Naruto shouted as one o'clock approached, getting ready to fill a slew of beers and spirits as the others closed down the bar. Genki left, depressed beyond measure after abandoning every ill-gotten cent he had to Sasuke and his sharingan. Sakura collected her remarkable tip from the first table she had every served, which had been ordering drinks consistently the entire night and felt a good deal of sympathy toward the sweet little girl. Lee's tips were considerably smaller, having catered to Shino's table the entire night, where the patrons could barely afford their drinks after a few hands against the world's greatest poker face. He didn't fret too much, since the Aburame had promised to give him a portion of his winnings.

On the stage, Chouji was toweling off with Tenten and Kiba. The three of them had done eleven different numbers in two hours, including seven songs, three dances and one joint performance with all three of the genin. They'd be splitting up a small fortune before they left.

"I don't care if I lost! That boy's a cheat, and I want my money back!" rang a loud voice from an unknown back room in an obscure corner of the bar. A moment later, a man stumbled backward through the door, holding his stomach with one hand and pointing accusingly at the room he had exited with the other. "Hey, barkeep! That kid's cheatin'! He took every penny I had!"

"What kid?" Naruto asked, as if he wasn't perfectly aware that only one genin had been missing the entire night.

"That would be me," Neji stated proudly as he walked out of the back room, sporting a pool cue and a knowing smile. Naruto laughed.

"What's so funny?" the poolshark asked, annoyed.

"Hey, it's not my fault if you got taken by a hustler, buddy. Anyway, last call's past, so you'd better be getting' home."

"Like hell I'll be getting' home! I _am_ a hustler! There's no way I could lose like that unless he was cheatin'! What kinda place you runnin' here?"

Naruto sighed and gave a nod to Shikamaru and Ino. They finally had a job to do. The bouncers approached the man, who snatched the pool cue from Neji and brandished it like a sword.

"Don't you get near me! I want my money back!"

"Sir, we can't force him to give you your money back," Shikamaru said blandly, clearly not caring about any of it. "We have to ask you to leave."

"Oh, really? Well, what if I don't want to leave, huh? What if I…I…why won't my body move?"

Shikamaru found extending his shadow quite easy inside the smoky, dim light of the pub, so ensnaring drunken idiots like this was just that much easier.

"LEMMIE GO! I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Ino, would you be so kind as to shut this man the hell up?"

"It would be my pleasure," the kunoichi responded, collapsing on the floor. In a moment, she was inside the mind of the disgruntled patron and smiling like a Cheshire cat. She gave Neji his pool cue and skipped off into the night. A moment later, Ino returned to her own body and stood, still smiling. "You see, Sakura? That's why I'm a bouncer and you're just a waitress." Ino walked off to help clean up, knowing full well that she had sorely missed out on the tips that came with serving tables. Sakura didn't feel the need to retort.

The two weeks passed in much the same way, and a few days after Sunakku returned Shikamaru made his report to the Hokage.

"Hey, wasn't Iruka-sensei working with you? And Anko-san? Where are they?" the chuunin asked, looking around the devoid room. He didn't think Iruka was the kind of person to be absent.

"Just finish the report, Shikamaru," Tsunade groaned, already tired from having to wake up in the morning. "Is Sunakku happy with your performance?"

"Actually, Hokage-sama, Sunakku sent you his thanks. Seems he's never had a bigger nightly crowd in his life, and Hinata really got the place up to code. She even fixed his mechanical bull. He said he'd be asking to have Chouij, Tenten and Kiba come back to perform. I think we can count this mission a complete success," he concluded, passing Tsunade his report papers.

"Hold on…where were your jounin sensei during this time?" the Hokage asked, quite rightly.

Somewhere on the southwestern beach of the Country of Fire, Asuma was lotioning the back of none other than Yuuhi Kurenai as Gai announced his millionth sandcastle-building challenge to Kakashi. The sun set slowly over the ocean, as though it would hang there forever and keep the jounin from ever having to go back to work.

"I…uh…don't know, Hokage-sama," confessed Shikamaru. "They wouldn't say anything when they left."

"I see. Well, I won't hold _you_ accountable for that, Shikamaru. They'll explain themselves when they resurface. For the time being, you've each gotten your pay, so that's all for today." Tsunade watched Shikamaru leave, but caught his attention before he got too far. "Oh, yes, one more thing."

"What is it, Hokage-sama?" the chuunin asked from the door.

"Tell Shino to stop playing poker at the Aru Koru. Sunakku-san's been complaining that his customers don't have any money to spend on liquor."

"Yes, Hokage-sama."


End file.
